Against all Odds.....(Part 1)

So it is officially one year to our wedding date (alright I know, it is 1 in the morning on Sept. 29th, which means we wouldn't technically be married yet, but it still counts)!! God willing, a year from today I will be marrying the love of my life. I thought it would be fun to share with you our love story. So, I put Jim to work to write it for us (this wasn't even on his honey do list!). Of course because it is Jim, it had to be split up into parts. Here is part one:

I originally signed up for Catholic Match because of a joke.  Seriously, I did!  A coworker left an article on my desk at work, clipped from the local newspaper.  It was all about the percentage of men vs. women on various dating websites.  The site that the article said had the most women was a website I had never heard of—CatholicMatch.com.

My coworker thought it was hysterical.  He already knew I was Catholic. So he said that if I couldn't find a good Catholic girl on a site with odds this good, I might as well give up!  Oh yeah, it was hysterical all right...  ;)

I wasn't even thinking about dating at the time.  I was discouraged by the prospects of finding a Catholic woman, who also shared my values, and whose personality was also compatible with mine.  Plus, I had a tiny little problem—I was still discerning whether or not God was calling me to the priesthood.

But the article intrigued me.  I had to sign up, just to see if the type of woman I was discouraged about finding could actually be waiting for me on this Catholic-focused site.

Then, I realized I had to fill out a profile and actually try to describe myself!  As many other people on Catholic Match (CM) have discovered, this is not easy.  I put off completing my profile for months.  And when I finally did fill out my profile, I had to get over that fear we all have of communicating with someone you don't know.  I was an active member of CM, but had yet to come out of my shell and really use the site to its full potential (or any potential really, for that matter!).

As I went through this process, Lisa also became active on CM.  She had a totally different path from me.  She had just gone on a string of disappointing (OK, actually, closer to horrendous) dates that had left her discouraged as well.  As she searched for Catholic dating websites, she came across CM and decided to sign up.  To her surprise, the e-mail address she entered indicated that she was already a member!  She had signed up many years before when the site was still called StRaphael.net.  So, she had a low member number that made it look like she had been there for years, even though she wasn't.  It did make her stand out, though...

But unlike me, she came on to CM to actively look for her future spouse.  And so she immediately got involved with the Forums.  She made several good friends during this time, and this led to her famous “crush” threads (as in...”tell everyone who you have a crush on”).  And of course, her Forum activity ultimately gave her the idea to start her own advice thread.  And soon, “Ask Lisa.” was born!

In the meantime, still firmly in my shell, I heavily lurked in the Forums.  I noticed Lisa right away.  That low member number was what caught my eye at first.  But then, I noticed much more.  Not only was this woman amazingly cute, but she also had a lot of really great things to say in her posts.  Her humorous posts were really funny.  Her serious posts were faith-filled and profound.  And her advice was incredibly wise, well beyond her years (as all Ask Lisa fans already know!).

And to top it all off, based on what she wrote, I saw that she is a kind, sweet, and family-oriented woman.  She even worked for her church!  And I found myself agreeing with just about everything she posted.  No matter what the topic, she said just what I would've said...if I had had the courage to post it myself!  ;)

I started to go into threads that I thought she would like, just to see if she had posted.  Then...I gave up all pretenses and just started directly searching for her posts!  And through it all, I started to wonder...is it possible that this girl could actually meet all those criteria that I never thought I could find in a woman?  But then, I came to my senses (or so I thought at the time) and said this was crazy.  She is a Canadian, and I'm 1000 miles away in a whole other country!  I put the thought out of my mind...for a while.  Plus, I still wasn't sure if God was even calling me to marriage at all.

But, I had to do something to lead me closer to a decision.  So after being on CM for over a year with nothing to show but a handful of posts and a few unanswered emotes, I decided that I needed to get serious about the site.  So in late 2009, I started making a conscious effort to make connections on the site.  And I said a prayer that is now famous to me and Lisa...”God, make Your Will known to me through my being active on this website.”

And with that, I started connecting with women in earnest.  I even went out on a few dates!  A whole new world of possibilities opened up to me when I realized I could actually get a hang of this whole online dating thing!

While I was finally getting the hang of CM, Lisa was getting frustrated.  She was convinced that there would be a plethora of men in her area on the site.  She had read success stories where couples lived far away from each other, but she was unwilling to expand her search criteria that far.  Then, on a retreat, she brought the whole situation before God.  And she was surprised to her God's answer very clearly: she needed to be open to being led “where you do not want to go” (Jn 21:18).  And so, she immediately returned home and changed her profile to read, “Open to living anywhere”.

And...it didn't hurt that she changed one other thing....her profile picture!  Now, before you think I'm just being shallow, keep in mind that Lisa had thought about changing her picture for a while and finally decided on a recent photo that she really liked (yes...it apparently was a “good hair day”).  She showed the picture to one of her good CM friends, who told her, “This picture will land you a husband someday!”.  And when I saw this picture, it was instantly my favorite of all the pictures I had ever seen her post!  This woman was not just cute, but outright gorgeous!

And so, fresh off my newfound success with CM, I got just enough courage to write to her.  But I seriously thought I was just writing her to “get it out of my system.”  You see, she was so popular around the Forums that I was convinced she was already communicating with someone.  I thought I would write to her, maybe we would exchange a few polite e-mails, and that was it.  But—just in case—I pulled out my “A-game” and wrote her a message (not just a brief “wink”) that is famous to this day for its wit and charm (in my mind anyway).  I wrote her a note about her famous glasses, and how they were by far the best part of her profile (which was just a joke—I also listed all the great qualities I noticed in her posts).

I read and re-read the note to proofread it.  Then I asked myself one last time if I was sure about this.  But before I could even think, I found myself pressing the “send” button....

So will I like his note as much he did? Will I write back? Be sure to check out part 2 coming soon!

Give me a head with hair.....

For most of my life, I had long curly hair. Now before you think, "Wow I would kill for that", it is important to know that is was also extremely thick and unruly. Long before the flat iron worked miracles on this type of hair, I went through the awkward teen years. Now I won't get into any great details, but let's just say I didn't get the nickname "fro" for nothing. So, at 22 I went from hair past my shoulders to a short pixie. I chopped it ALL off. People called me brave. I figured it was just hair and it would grow back if I hated it.

Well, for the last 13 years, I have had various short styles. Occasionally, people would ask me if I would consider growing it out again. My standard response was, "If I could be a hermit and not have to venture outdoors for a year sure!" Now, that is not to say that in those 13 years I didn't make a few valiant attempts. A few times, I tried really hard. With the invention of cute clips, headbands and the trusty flat iron, I figured I could do it. Each time, I was determined. Each time, I failed. I usually lasted about 4 months before I made the appointment with my hairdresser to say,"CHOP IT OFF!"

This past February, I thought I would give it another try. I was in between hairdressers at the time, and I thought it was the perfect opportunity. I let it grow until I couldn't stand it anymore and went to a random hairdresser to tell her to "shape it however you need to so I don't shave it off". She did just that. She kept the little length I had accumulated, but gave me some sort of style. And so, I continued. Finally, I found a hairdresser I clicked with and we have been working on growing it out ever since.

Now that I am engaged, it has given me added incentive to keep going. I made my hairdresser solemnly swear that no matter what I do (beg, cry, pay her off etc.) she will not cut it. After all, I have the upcoming nuptials to inspire me. There are still MANY MANY days where I want to shave it off, but I know that if I can just let it grow, it will be down to my shoulders by the wedding. Right now, it is already past my ear! :) But, I still have way more bad hair days than good ones but I have decided to just live with the awkward stages until it gets to where I want it.

Luckily, I am beginning  master the art of flat ironing, and I think that my hair could look really great shoulder length. It will take awhile to get used to long hair again for sure. But I think I am up for the challenge. If not, I can always chop it off again AFTER the wedding. I mean its only hair right?

P.S. Today is Jim's parents 42nd wedding anniversary. What a blessing to be able to spend so many years together. What a great inspiration for Jim and I.

Leaving on a Jet Plane.....

One of the things I get asked often when I tell someone my fiance lives in Minnesota is, "How do you make THAT work?" I never seem to be able to give a quick answer to that question, because let's face it - it is hard. Most people take for granted that they will see their boyfriend or fiance regularly. But, when you are in a long distance relationship, you have to plan your next visit to see each other. In our case, this involves various modes of transportation. In one trip to Chicago/Minnesota, I literally used planes, trains and automobiles!

Thankfully, modern technology helps when it comes to long distance. If Jim and I did not have skype, I am sure our relationship would be much different. With skype, we are able to see each other and it almost feels like we are right there with each other. I have seen Jim do laundry, cook and watch tv on skype. So, it helps a little, but it is still not the real thing.

The good thing about a long distance relationships though, is it forces you to make the foundation of your relationship the emotional connection. It is not unusual for Jim and I to talk for 3-4 hours a night. Before we got engaged, we went through a book called "101 Question to Ask Before Getting Engaged". For some couples, a lot of these questions would have been things they would never have entertained bringing up in the conversation before. But, Jim and I found each other saying "Oh we have already talked about this!" for a lot of the questions in the book.

We are blessed. So often, relationships are based and begin purely on sexual attraction, and the physical component of a relationship becomes the most important thing. For us, the emotional and spiritual connections were developed first and I think that is such a blessing. It is the rock that holds the relationship together.

Also, being long distance forces us to sacrifice and compromise. It forces us to sacrifice our money (to get on that jet plane), and to sacrifice being in the same town, (or in our case country!) together. All of these things I feel will only benefit us in our marriage where we know that sacrifice and compromise WILL have to happen for the marriage to be successful.

It is funny. Whenever I hear couples say things like "UGH! He is driving me crazy. I just wish he would go away!" I always wonder how they can not realize the blessings they have, being able to be with the one they love all the time. I thank God everyday that Jim and I are able to have the relationship we do, because of faith, modern technology like skype and of course...those jet planes.

My Canadian Girl....

So, I thought it would be fun to let you all know just how Jim proposed to me. I am decided to blog about this because I thought it would be fun to share, but I also have selfish motivations. I know if I don't write it down that one day our kids may ask, "Mommy, how did Daddy propose to you?" I don't want to say, "Hmmmm, you know what honey, that was so long ago Mommy doesn't remember." So without further or do, here is the story.

Let me start by saying that I was sort of expecting it. You see when we only see each other once a month or so and Jim tells me that I should start working on the visa paperwork, I kind of got an idea that the proposal was imminent. Now, if you recall in yesterdays post, I tend to be curious. So the whole week before Jim came down I was asking leading questions and gently reminding him of days I wouldn't be home in case he wanted to call my mom and ask her permission for anything. (which he actually ended up doing by the way)

So, when I picked Jim up at the airport, I was excited to see him and anxious to know what the weekend would bring. He arrived at 8 or so Friday evening and after crossing the border, we immediately went to dinner. We got to the apartment I share with my mother late. We spent some time visiting with her and decided on the next days plans. We decided we would go for an early lunch and spend some time at a local park. We agreed we would sleep in and awake at 9:30. I nicely let Jim have my room, while I slept in the other room.

My mom had to leave in the morning and I awoke shortly after she left and looked at the clock. It was 10 am. I listened for Jim and did not hear him up. I went to see if he had slept in but I noticed the light on. I also noticed an envelope on my door marked "1". I knocked on the door to see if Jim was going to go and get ready for the day. He opened the door halfway. He said he was going to, so I decided to go back and rest for a bit (I was tired, what can I say). I decided not to acknowledge the note because I was unsure whether he was still working on something in the room that had something to do with that note or not.

After he was done getting ready, I woke up and decided to acknowledge the note. I asked him what was on my door. He played dumb suggesting my mom may have left it there. I told him that it was in his handwriting so that was doubtful. I opened the envelope and inside was a note with one word on it "knees". I was confused. I decided to think hard about what "knees" could mean while I got ready. When I was done, I informed Jim I was ready to go. He reminded me I didn't have my cell phone with me. I went to get it, and saw another envelope marked "2". Inside that note was another word: "right". I went into the living room and found a note on my computer and on my purse. They said "pearl" and "mind". I was so confused. I was convinced this was some puzzle I needed to figure out. I started looking for correlations between the words. I couldn't find any. Well any that made sense anyway.

As we got ready to go down to my car I was convinced this was going to lead to the proposal so I asked Jim if he had everything and I was coyly looking to see if I could see a ring anywhere. He informed me he did in fact have everything. We went down to my car and in my car on the front seat was another note. This one said "nails." I was confused as ever.

We headed to Wendy's for lunch and when I went to sit down there was another note that said "hair". Our whole conversation over lunch, I was trying to figure out what these words meant. I had some solutions that were quite silly, but I knew I would never be able to figure it out. The cutest thing was the whole time Jim was saying "It is SO weird that someone is following us around leaving you notes. This is so weird". LOL

After we were done eating Jim informed me that I had to go to the bathroom. I told him that I really didn't have to go. He said he didn't care. That I needed to give him my keys, go to the bathroom and give him about 3 minutes. So off to the bathroom I went, wondering what was going on. I went back to the car after what I thought was long enough and there was another note on my dashboard that said "curl". Jim also had my GPS out. He had programmed it and was holding it so I couldn't see it. He simply told me to follow the directions given by the GPS lady. I did as I was told.

It wasn't long before I realized where we were going. We were headed to the local retreat house that I had brought him to a few months before where he gave me a promise ring. As we arrived at the retreat house, he snuck one more note that read "peck". I noticed as I was getting out of the car he had a medium size black case that he retrieved from underneath the seat of my car.

We proceeded to go and sit on the swing overlooking the lake and as we did, he pulled out the case and told me that he had brought his laptop with him. He opened the computer and reminded me that he had promised me that one day he would make the little jingle he sings to me on skype into a full song. The jingle goes like this: "My Canadian girl, she's the best in the world". Well, he had not only completed the song, but made a PowerPoint with pictures and everything. The song was funny, touching and was all about me. The words that I had been getting throughout the day were words that I had to fill in for the song. So the first fill in went like this "My Canadian girl make me weak in the 'knees'" and it went on. The final lines of the song were "My Canadian girl, she's the center of my life, but will she agree to be my lovely        ". He handed me another note that said "wife".

I was so touched. I thought "Wow! This is it!" But, it wasn't. He had more things to say before the actual proposal. He had taken the time to write out a 2.5 page letter to me of all the things he wanted to say to me. He wrote it out so he wouldn't forget any of it. He read it out loud and it was so sweet and touching and of course I cried. At the end of his speech, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. :)

Afterwards, he told me I could call my mom (but no one else). After staying at the retreat house to pray, we went home and when I got there my mom, sister and her whole family were there. Jim had arranged with my mom to have a dozen red roses there waiting for me and my sister and her husband brought champagne. 

After calling a bunch of people, I was told that I had to dress up extra nice for church because afterwards we were going somewhere really nice for dinner. Jim had emailed my sister for help to find a nice place to go to and made reservations a few days before. We went to a wonderful Italian restaurant in Windsor. We capped off the evening with ice cream at the Dairy Freez. Last summer when Jim came down for the weekend for the first time ever, one of the first things we did was go to get ice cream here, so it was fitting.

All the effort Jim put in just reminded me once again about what an amazing guy I am going to have the pleasure of marrying :) I can't imagine a better proposal, or a better man! :)

All we need is just a little patience....

Being patient is hard. I have always been an impatient and curious person. The worst thing you can say to me is "I have something to tell you, but I will tell you later." I want to know now! Perhaps because of the impatience, I also tend to worry a lot. My latest worry is news that the US government could shut down at the end of the month. Now, I have never been one to be all political, or even follow politics THAT closely (but I get informed enough to vote when it is time....EVERYONE needs to vote). So, I had no idea that the US government could shut down. Now, I know enough to know that an election is coming up in the US, and that the last threat of a shut down was averted. Why do I care so much about the US government you ask?

Well, our visa lies in the balance. If the government shuts down everything stops with the visa process. If it stops for a long period of time, our selected wedding date could be in jeopardy. I could spend hours and hours of needless worry about all the ways this could play out. But, I am trying not to. You see, one of the many things I learned this past year is that worry gets you nowhere. I read somewhere that only 8% of the things you worry about (that includes things as significant as a loved ones health, to as insignificant as the weather) ever actually happen. Now I am no math genius, but that means that we are wasting a heck of a lot of time worrying. I bet that the 8% that does happen, you have no control over anyway.

I am resolving to trust that God has a plan for Jim and me. I will trust that everything will work out the way it is supposed to and go back to thinking about more important things like wedding colors, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, our future together, our upcoming Sacrament etc.

On a totally unrelated note, no one ever told me how surreal it would feel to be engaged. All of my life, I have waited to find the man I wanted to marry. Finding him now, it is so strange to be looking at my hand and seeing an amazing ring. It blows my mind that I am  planning a wedding and marriage with the love of my life. I still sort of pinch myself that God has blessed me this much. I can't believe how much my life is going to change, and how happy I am to build a life with Jim. The funny thing is that if you would have told me even 3 years ago I would be married soon and be moving to Minnesota, I would have laughed and laughed. Now, I am excited beyond belief. I almost want to have a crystal ball to see what our future will bring. I guess like Guns N Roses says...all I need is just a little patience.

On the road again.....

Since I was very young (and by young I mean up until pretty much last month) I have dreamed of planning my wedding. I love planning things! In fact, I always joked that if I wasn't doing ministry I would want to be a wedding planner instead! I don't mean to brag, but I am an excellent planner. Now one may think that would make me a type A personality, but those who know me know that I am so far from type A. So what makes me an excellent planner? Basically, if I have a specific task where there is a beginning and an end, I can prioritize really well and check things off my list. I am such a good planner that a few years ago I was hired by our Diocese to plan a whole youth conference. So of course wedding planning would be a breeze, right?

Wrong! I never factored into the wedding planning fantasy that I would be trying to plan a wedding from 6 hours away. This poses a huge challenge. It would make things a  bit easier if Jim lived in the area where we are getting married but he lives 6 hours away too. Thankfully, I am blessed that Jim's family has been very helpful. His sister just got married last year so she has been able to offer some invaluable advice and resources. We are grateful to be able to get married close to his family, and close enough so my family can come but it would have been a lot easier if immigration allowed us to get married in Canada. But, I digress.

Anyway, because of these challenges, Jim and I have found ourselves planning a visit to Illinois to see his family and squeeze in as many vendor appointments as possible. In mid-October we are going and so far we have squeezed in 3 venue appointments, 1 photographer consultation and 1 videographer consultation. I have spent countless hours already on theknot.com to research vendors and look at reviews of them all. Then we tried to narrow it down based on our needs and budget to come up with a few winners. This will definitely be a challenge over the next year for sure. I have done as much as I can here in Canada (looking at dresses, etc.) and I have given Jim some 'honey do' lists so I have no doubt we will do it.

Another thing I never thought of in my fantasy of wedding planning was how so many things need to come together. First, you have to pick wedding colours. Then you have to try to find the perfect bridesmaid dresses in those wedding colours and make it so the bridesmaids don't hate you totally for making them wear that dress. Then you have to coordinate your dress, shoes, accessories etc. Not to mention finding someone to do your hair, makeup etc. on your day. This doesn't even begin to factor in photographers, florists, dj's, invitations etc. It all seemed so much more fun in the fantasy in my head!

I say tomato, you say tomato.....

We received our Notification of Action from the government on Friday! We were so excited. It is so official. But can you believe that I am now considered an 'alien' fiance! I mean seriously? An alien??? What happened to the friendly neighbour to the north?

But in all seriousness this means it is really real and really happening and it is very exciting! Now I can start to look ahead to all the great things I will get to experience on a daily basis once I move to the USA (not including the obvious greatness of spending every day with Jim of course). But I was thinking more along the lines of great things like shopping. Many Americans are surprised to learn that stores that they take for granted are not here in Canada. Many Canadians find themselves heading over to the US periodically to go to stores like Target, JC Penney, Kohl's etc. Target announced this year that by 2013 they will be in Canada. Figures, I had to go to them before they would come to me! It will be fun to have these stores be the norm and not a special treat. I am sure all of my Canadian friends and family will be sending me their requests for things to bring back every time I come home.

I will also have to get used to the slight differences in speech between Canadians and Americans. During my conversations with Jim we have realized that, while slight, there are some things that are different. For instance, Canadians would have people over for a barbeque (or barbecue) , while Americans would have people over for a cookout. Canadians would periodically have to clean out their eaves troughs and Americans would have to periodically clean out their rain gutters. I am sure there are many more that I haven't discovered yet. It is funny how we are so much alike and yet are in many ways so different. Don't even get me started on neighbour vs. neighbor, favour vs. favor etc. It will take me awhile to remember NOT to put the u in there.
Maybe I will be a rebel and just keep spelling it that way. People will either think "Oh she must be Canadian" or "Oh that poor girl doesn't know how to spell". LOL

The saints are coming...

Jim and I decided to go ahead and choose a date for our wedding: September 29, 2012. The immigration process takes 8-11 months, so we have given ourselves 13 months. So we should be ok (fingers crossed!)

Yesterday I found myself pumping my fists in happiness that the US government had cashed our check. Now normally I am not happy when ANY government takes my money, but this check being cashed means that someone has opened our package and our application process has now begun. We expect to get a notifcation in the mail in a few days. After this notification, there is a whole lot of waiting! For about 4 months we will hear nothing. That will be the hard part. However, once we hear something, things move quickly. I have never been a patient person and this will definitely continue to teach me patience. God definitely knows I still have things to learn when it comes to patience! :)

One of the greatest things that I realized today was that our chosen wedding date falls on the Feast of the Archangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael. This is a great God-incidence for a couple of reasons. First, my home parish is St. Michael's Parish. This is the parish that my parents, as well as my sister and her husband got married in. So, since I cannot get married at my home parish of St. Michael's it is fitting that at least I get married on his Feast Day!

The second reason is that St. Raphael is the patron saint of love and happy meetings. The site Jim and I met on (http://www.catholicmatch.com/) used to be called St. Raphael's. In my time on Catholic Match I have participated in no less than 5 novenas to St. Raphael to find a good, holy, Catholic man to marry. How very fitting that not only have I found that man, but we are able to be united in the great Sacrament of Matrimony on the very day that the church honors St. Raphael. Originally we were hoping for Canadian Thanksgiving weekend, but the church was unavailable. Also, Jim and I realized that it is only because next year is a leap year that this feast day falls on a Saturday. It seems it was meant to be! :)

So often God gives us these little coincidences to remind us how close and present He is in our lives and how much He loves us. I am sure he has done this in your life many times too! :)

P.S. Yes Jim I took the title from a U2 song. :)

You may be right --- I may be crazy!!

This is my first foray into blog writing. I thought it would be good to be able to document the next year of my life, which will be eventful to say the least!

You see, I just got engaged! As someone who was beginning to think that her prince was actually NOT going to come, it is an understatement to say I am excited and beyond happy. It is funny where your life will take you. You see I found my 'prince' online. Back in my early 20's, online dating was not only taboo, it was pretty much non-existant. It is safe to say that I would have never guessed I would meet my future husband this way. In fact my 21 year old self would probably have told me I was insane.

If I had a crystal ball back then, I never would have imagined not only the online dating, but that I would meet someone who lived 12 hours away. You see, my 21 year old self had never even flown! She was a bit of a 'fraidy cat. (Ok ok, the 35 year old self is sort of a 'fraidy cat too, but this was extreme!) She had never even been on a plane! So there was no way she would have even entertained the idea of a long distance relationship.

But here I am today, engaged to the greatest man ever. We met on catholicmatch.com and we are so happy. We are compatible beyond belief. We not only share faith, but have similar personalities and outlooks on life. I have no doubt God brought us together. Jim lives in Minnesota and I will be moving there once we are married.

Early on in our communications I looked into what it would take for me to move there. Foolishly, I thought it would  be easy. Maybe a couple forms, and that would be it. Well, I was wrong. We filled out our first round of forms just last week, and it took us 3.5 hours to make sure we had everything they needed. Usually the entire visa process takes anywhere from 8-11 months. Once we have the visa, we have 6 months to use it and 3 months to get married once I enter the USA. Yep, that is right. We have to get married in the USA. My 21 year old self would be so blown away. She would have thought it was insane that not only was I not getting married in Ontario, but I would be moving away from my home to move to an even COLDER place.

This whole experience has taught me a few things:

1) Moving out of your comfort zone is good. Even though it is scary the rewards are great.
2) God clearly has a plan. If God left things up to me, who knows what would happen.
3) Trust in God. Even when it seems all is going wrong, he will see you through.

So for the next year, I plan to document my joys, trials, tribulations, etc. Wedding planning, visa process and a full time job does not an easy year make. But one thing is for sure. It will be unforgettable.