FINALLY! I can post in here about what my Christmas plans were. You see, my oldest nephew recently got facebook. Because we were keeping a pretty big secret from him (and his younger brother) I couldn't really post much on this blog. What is that big secret you say? In a little while, my family (including Jim) will be heading to Disneyworld for vacation. We told them today and they were really excited!
Since Jim and I will be seeing each other very shortly, and because my job makes it hard to get away for Christmas, we decided we would not be together at Christmas this year. He went home to his family in Chicago and I stayed here. After a few emotional days (on my part) we made the best of the situation.
His family has all these Christmas traditions with their gift opening. I really was upset I wouldn't be a part of those traditions. Luckily, this year my family did not celebrate Christmas until today (the 26th) so I managed to skype in to their Christmas. It was great to sort of feel like I was there. This morning when the boys found out that we were going to Disney, Jim skyped in as well. So we were really lucky that modern technology allowed us to feel in a small way a part of our families Christmas traditions. I am looking so forward to spending a week in Disney, and even more happy to be able to spend it with all my fave people in the world.
Now if we could just get Jim to go on the teacups..... ;)
Monday, December 26, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Looking back....
As well as trying to get all my presents bought and getting spiritually prepared for Jesus' coming, I have spent some time reflecting recently on the events of a year ago. You see, a year ago I was a lot less certain about the path I was to take than it is now. A year ago, Jim was heading on his discernment retreat.
In October of last year, we had decided not to keep communicating because it was getting to be too difficult for me to not get my heart involved. In all honestly, my heart was really involved long before last October, but I was trying desperately not to get my heart even more involved than it needed to be. So, in mid-October of last year Jim and I decided to stop talking indefinitely until he could take the time he needed to discern where God was leading him.
In mid-December after missing him horribly, I thought it wouldn't hurt to send him an email to check in on him to see if and what his progress was. I learned he had signed up for the Diocesan Discernment Retreat for men discerning a call to the priesthood. I have to be honest that when I heard this I had mixed emotions. On one hand, I was overjoyed that he had finally taken a BIG concrete step to discern his future. On the other hand, I knew that this retreat could mean that he could hear God telling him that he was meant to be a priest. While I would have accepted that and would have been happy for him, my heart would have had a lot of healing to do.
That little email to check up on Jim led to us talking again up until his discernment retreat. In hindsight, this was probably not the wisest move, but we were able to jump right back into our old routine as if no time had passed at all. I was hopeful that this retreat would make it clear to him one way or the other the direction he needed to take. And, if by chance that direction was discerning marriage with me, I knew that I was ready to do that. So almost every night we talked and skyped for the better part of two weeks. We caught each other up on our lives and we laughed, talked and prayed like we always did.
The day he left for retreat I wished him well. I spent a lot of time praying that God would reveal his will to Jim on that weekend. As hard as it was, I knew I could not be selfish enough to pray he would choose me. I knew Jim was faith-filled, kind, loving and sensitive and all of those qualities would serve him well in the priesthood as well as marriage. The day he was to come home, my sister and I went shopping. I think I asked her to shop on that day partially to keep my mind off the fact that I was expecting Jim to come back with an answer of what had been revealed to him on that weekend. I didn't really want to think about how it was very possible that Jim could come back and say "I really feel called to the priesthood".
I got back later than I expected and when I came home he was waiting online for me. He was so excited about the retreat. In all of Jim's 40 years he had never been on a real retreat before so that was to be expected. I remember the first time I went on a retreat it was a VERY powerful experience. The whole time he was telling me about the retreat all I really wanted to say was "So what's the bottom line?" After I let him share with me I did end up coming out saying something like that and his answer was not one I was expecting.
He said "I still dont' know." In all of my preparations and all of my praying, I did not expect that he still would not have an answer. It just in an instant became really hard for me. I clearly couldn't continue talking to him if he still didn't know. It was clear to me that he needed more time away to think. But, this time I made it clear it was with the expectation that I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. So after a lot of discussion, we said what we thought was good-bye forever.
Now clearly, that did not happen. We ended up not talking for 2.5 months though. It was March when we connected again. Ultimately that connection led to Jim's realization that God was calling him to discern marriage with me. However, if you would have told me last year on December 19th that this year at Christmas time we would be well into planning our wedding, I would have laughed at you. Clearly God is bigger than our expectations, our wants, our thoughts and our desires. I am so glad that God has been with Jim and I along this journey. I am not upset about the events that led us here. In fact, I feel that all that we have been through has only led us closer to each other and more connected to God. God is good!
In October of last year, we had decided not to keep communicating because it was getting to be too difficult for me to not get my heart involved. In all honestly, my heart was really involved long before last October, but I was trying desperately not to get my heart even more involved than it needed to be. So, in mid-October of last year Jim and I decided to stop talking indefinitely until he could take the time he needed to discern where God was leading him.
In mid-December after missing him horribly, I thought it wouldn't hurt to send him an email to check in on him to see if and what his progress was. I learned he had signed up for the Diocesan Discernment Retreat for men discerning a call to the priesthood. I have to be honest that when I heard this I had mixed emotions. On one hand, I was overjoyed that he had finally taken a BIG concrete step to discern his future. On the other hand, I knew that this retreat could mean that he could hear God telling him that he was meant to be a priest. While I would have accepted that and would have been happy for him, my heart would have had a lot of healing to do.
That little email to check up on Jim led to us talking again up until his discernment retreat. In hindsight, this was probably not the wisest move, but we were able to jump right back into our old routine as if no time had passed at all. I was hopeful that this retreat would make it clear to him one way or the other the direction he needed to take. And, if by chance that direction was discerning marriage with me, I knew that I was ready to do that. So almost every night we talked and skyped for the better part of two weeks. We caught each other up on our lives and we laughed, talked and prayed like we always did.
The day he left for retreat I wished him well. I spent a lot of time praying that God would reveal his will to Jim on that weekend. As hard as it was, I knew I could not be selfish enough to pray he would choose me. I knew Jim was faith-filled, kind, loving and sensitive and all of those qualities would serve him well in the priesthood as well as marriage. The day he was to come home, my sister and I went shopping. I think I asked her to shop on that day partially to keep my mind off the fact that I was expecting Jim to come back with an answer of what had been revealed to him on that weekend. I didn't really want to think about how it was very possible that Jim could come back and say "I really feel called to the priesthood".
I got back later than I expected and when I came home he was waiting online for me. He was so excited about the retreat. In all of Jim's 40 years he had never been on a real retreat before so that was to be expected. I remember the first time I went on a retreat it was a VERY powerful experience. The whole time he was telling me about the retreat all I really wanted to say was "So what's the bottom line?" After I let him share with me I did end up coming out saying something like that and his answer was not one I was expecting.
He said "I still dont' know." In all of my preparations and all of my praying, I did not expect that he still would not have an answer. It just in an instant became really hard for me. I clearly couldn't continue talking to him if he still didn't know. It was clear to me that he needed more time away to think. But, this time I made it clear it was with the expectation that I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. So after a lot of discussion, we said what we thought was good-bye forever.
Now clearly, that did not happen. We ended up not talking for 2.5 months though. It was March when we connected again. Ultimately that connection led to Jim's realization that God was calling him to discern marriage with me. However, if you would have told me last year on December 19th that this year at Christmas time we would be well into planning our wedding, I would have laughed at you. Clearly God is bigger than our expectations, our wants, our thoughts and our desires. I am so glad that God has been with Jim and I along this journey. I am not upset about the events that led us here. In fact, I feel that all that we have been through has only led us closer to each other and more connected to God. God is good!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Baby, its cold outside.....
When Jim and I first started talking way back in early 2010, one of the first things I asked him after, "Where exactly is Minnesota anyway?" (we Canadians are not really that versed on where all 50 states are located) was "How cold is it in comparison to here in Southwestern Ontario?" He told me very assuredly that it was just a few degrees cooler and not to worry.
Since we have been engaged, I have been paying more attention to the temperature variations. I have a weather app on my phone and whenever I check the temperatures here, I have been making a habit of checking the temperatures in Minnesota too. Well...all I have to say is Jim's definition of a "few" and my definition of a "few" are very different!!These past few weeks the temperature in Minnesota has been 15-20 degrees (Fahrenheit) cooler than here!!!
I recently told a friend that I hadn't seen in awhile that I was moving to Minnesota. She asked me where in Minnesota exactly. When I told her the Twin Cities she informed me she had been there in the winter one year and it was like the frozen tundra! Strong words indeed! I am thinking I am going to have to invest in a warmer winter coat.
The irony of it all, is that the season I dislike the most is winter. I have always hated everything about it, but the thing I dislike the most is the snow. I do not have 4 wheel drive and never feel comfortable on the roads when they are snow covered. All of this will make things a bit challenging but I am sure I will manage fine when I am finally together with Jim on a daily basis.
Another thing I dislike about winter is every single year I get at least one cold. I am currently in the midst of a pretty nasty one. Yesterday was a bit challenging at work, because my voice was very hoarse and scratchy and I was scheduled to lead a retreat for a group of women in our parish. Because of lots of prayers, and even more grace from God I was able to project my hoarse, scratchy voice enough to lead the retreat. It actually turned out to be a great day. Thank God for the grace He gives me each day!
Since we have been engaged, I have been paying more attention to the temperature variations. I have a weather app on my phone and whenever I check the temperatures here, I have been making a habit of checking the temperatures in Minnesota too. Well...all I have to say is Jim's definition of a "few" and my definition of a "few" are very different!!These past few weeks the temperature in Minnesota has been 15-20 degrees (Fahrenheit) cooler than here!!!
I recently told a friend that I hadn't seen in awhile that I was moving to Minnesota. She asked me where in Minnesota exactly. When I told her the Twin Cities she informed me she had been there in the winter one year and it was like the frozen tundra! Strong words indeed! I am thinking I am going to have to invest in a warmer winter coat.
The irony of it all, is that the season I dislike the most is winter. I have always hated everything about it, but the thing I dislike the most is the snow. I do not have 4 wheel drive and never feel comfortable on the roads when they are snow covered. All of this will make things a bit challenging but I am sure I will manage fine when I am finally together with Jim on a daily basis.
Another thing I dislike about winter is every single year I get at least one cold. I am currently in the midst of a pretty nasty one. Yesterday was a bit challenging at work, because my voice was very hoarse and scratchy and I was scheduled to lead a retreat for a group of women in our parish. Because of lots of prayers, and even more grace from God I was able to project my hoarse, scratchy voice enough to lead the retreat. It actually turned out to be a great day. Thank God for the grace He gives me each day!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Who could ask for anything more?
Guess what I will be doing 300 days from today? I know, I know, most people do not know or care what they will be doing 300 days from now, but for me this is a pretty special day. You see, 300 days from today Jim and I will marry. (You probably guessed that didn't you?)
I am so excited to soon be Jim's wife. He truly is my soulmate. And, like it or not, he knows me better than most people. He can tell when I am angry, when I am sad etc. He can even tell by the way I say "Huh?" whether I mean "What? I didn't hear you?" or "What? I am totally not listening because I am busy doing something else". It sometimes drives me crazy that he knows me so well, but mostly it just gives me comfort. Comfort in knowing that he has my back, that he is there for me always.
Unlike many married couples, once I get married, my life will also change pretty drastically in other ways. I am moving countries, so it comforts me to know that Jim will be there to be my rock during this transition. I truly feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Sometimes I still can't believe that I am getting married. Sometimes I look down at my hand and say "Oh yeah! I am going to be married soon!" It just seems so surreal in a way. Jim and I went through a lot to get where we are right now. People tell me that I will be married for a couple months (or even years) before I will be able to fully wrap my head around it.
Jim keeps saying that 300 days seems like forever. I always tell him it will fly by! And I believe it will! Life seems to move quickly the older you are, and the more you have to do. And trust me! I have a lot to do!
All I can say is that I am so blessed! I have a great family, a great fiance and a great life. Who could ask for anything more?
I am so excited to soon be Jim's wife. He truly is my soulmate. And, like it or not, he knows me better than most people. He can tell when I am angry, when I am sad etc. He can even tell by the way I say "Huh?" whether I mean "What? I didn't hear you?" or "What? I am totally not listening because I am busy doing something else". It sometimes drives me crazy that he knows me so well, but mostly it just gives me comfort. Comfort in knowing that he has my back, that he is there for me always.
Unlike many married couples, once I get married, my life will also change pretty drastically in other ways. I am moving countries, so it comforts me to know that Jim will be there to be my rock during this transition. I truly feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Sometimes I still can't believe that I am getting married. Sometimes I look down at my hand and say "Oh yeah! I am going to be married soon!" It just seems so surreal in a way. Jim and I went through a lot to get where we are right now. People tell me that I will be married for a couple months (or even years) before I will be able to fully wrap my head around it.
Jim keeps saying that 300 days seems like forever. I always tell him it will fly by! And I believe it will! Life seems to move quickly the older you are, and the more you have to do. And trust me! I have a lot to do!
All I can say is that I am so blessed! I have a great family, a great fiance and a great life. Who could ask for anything more?
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