Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary.....

So, 6 months ago today Jim and I started officially dating. Whenever I tell anyone this they say, "Oh please, you were dating LONG before 6 months ago!" Which, I guess is true in a way, but for us, this is a monumental day. This is the day that set us on the path to being engaged and eventually, to be married.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Since Jim already described it in GREAT detail in an earlier post, I won't go into it all again. But, I did want to tell you all the things I have learned in the last 6 months.

1) That it is a great feeling to have someone 'have your back'. I know that Jim is there always to love me, support me and just be a listening ear when I need to vent.

2) That communication is always key. We had sort of learned this prior to these 6 months, but since then we have delved even more into what it means to be a couple. We have asked each other questions from a book designed to have couples get to know each other better before engagement. This book showed us areas in our relationship that we needed to work on and it also helped us communicate better with each other. It also showed us how to manage our disagreements. We have developed a pretty routine, predictable pattern whenever we get upset with one another.  We know that these disagreements will be resolved quickly and neither of us are the type to hold grudges or stay mad for long. We both think this will serve us well in our marriage.

3) That prayer and remaining close to God is key. Jim and I pray together nightly. Even if we only have 10 minutes to talk (which happens rarely), we make sure that prayer is what takes precedence over anything else. This allows us to grow spiritually, individually and with each other.

4) That Jim and I can accomplish more together than we can apart. Just looked at all the things I have changed in  helped Jim with so far. And we aren't even married yet! Imagine how much more "help" I can give him once we are married. ;)

5) That even though change can be scary, both of us have grown so much already with all the changing we have had to do. I know that any other changes we have to make will only be beneficial to us as a couple. For instance, I have almost rid Jim of his Xbox obsession. :)

6) That the Sacrament of Marriage will give us so many graces we need to live out our lives. We both know it will not be easy, but we know that it will be blessed by God and that is all that matters.

So there you have 6 reflections for 6 months :) If I was Jim this post would be three times as long, but I am not as longwinded eloquent as he is. We can't wait to learn even more lessons as we get closer to our wedding day!

p.s. We have also learned just how much weddings cost, but we will save that for the 1 year anniversary reflections.

Feels Like Home

*I was home sick today. :( I am finally feeling better after sleeping most of the day, so I thought I would take some time to update my blog.*

Jim is the typical bachelor. When I first visited Minnesota and went to his house, I realized that if you looked up bachelor pad in the dictionary, you may just see a picture of his house. As I looked around, I realized that it is VERY obvious that only a man lives there. His dishes are hand-me-downs from his aunts and they are from the 1970's and his pots and pans are not much better. But, the most obvious sign of this being a bachelor pad is his couch. His couch is forest green, is perfect for napping and has a phone built into it. I'm not kidding!

Now, most people our age when they get engaged, have little to register for in their bridal registry because they have everything they need. But we will need pretty much everything. I gave away all my hand me downs to  good will when I moved back in with my mom, and well, his things are just not the things we need to create a new married life together.

So shortly after our engagement I brought up (not so subtly) that we will need to do a bit of a makeover to make his bachelor pad work as our first home. We are not planning on staying there forever, but for the time that we are there, I want it to feel like home for both of us. I want it to be different than it is now with single Jim living there. I want it to feel like our home and not just his bachelor pad that I moved in to.

So we decided that we would do some redecorating. We are not going to do anything that we can't transport to a new home, but there will still be a lot to do. The first thing to do is to find a new couch. Luckily, since I will not be able to work for a few months after we get married (visa restrictions until I can get work authorization) I will have plenty of time to find some good options. We will also need to find some new bedroom furniture, and many other things!

Jim is such a great guy. I told him that this would probably cost a fair bit of money. All he said to me in reply was, "You are moving countries and uprooting your whole life. The least I can do is make sure you feel at home here in Minnesota." Awww, I just love that guy! :)

Wait a minute, Mr. Postman.....

If you looked up the word "spontaneous" in the dictionary, my name and picture would not be there. Now if you look up, say, "hypochondriac" it might, but that is a whole other blog topic. ;)

I have never really been spontaneous. I have never thought to myself on a Friday afternoon, "I should go somewhere fun this weekend" and then do it. I need to have some sense of order in my life (when it comes to planning anyway). I have gotten a bit better with this as I have gotten older, but I still would never identify myself as a spontaneous person. However, there was one time that I surprised even myself with my spontaneity.

Back when Jim and I had just begun talking, before we had even moved to phone conversations, we somehow got on the topic of chocolate. (OK for those that know either of us, this is not a surprise!) We were talking about chocolate bars that we available in the United States that were not available here in Canada, and vice versa. I had mentioned a chocolate bar called "Kinder Bueno". These, for the most part, are not available in the United States, but are widely available in Canada as well as many parts of Europe. Jim had vacationed in Ireland, and so he not only had heard of the Kinders but he had tried some in Ireland. He kept joking with me that I should send him some.

I had realized that when he sent emails from work, his signature at the bottom had his work address. I started to wonder if I should surprise him with the Kinders and mail them to his work. I quickly nixed the idea, because I was concerned that he would think I was some sort of stalker. I mean up until this point, we had only been emailing back and forth. If he would have done something like that, I definitely would have been freaked out, so he surely would as well.

But the thought remained with me, and he kept mentioning the kinders. I thought there was a slight chance he would think it was a cute gesture, so I threw caution to the wind and started to work on my plan. I first needed to make sure that I had the right information, so I managed to work in some very sneaky conversations about his job. When I was certain I had the right information, I went out and bought the kinders. I bought 5 of them for him and bought a little card to go with it. Before I knew what I was doing, I mailed it off!

If I had really thought about it enough, I would have known better. But, my spontaneity had gotten the better of me! Immediately after I sent it, I got really nervous. I was certain he would be freaked out. Luckily, the kinders took awhile to arrive and by the time they did, we had already been skyping and talking on the phone for a week or so.

He received them at work and was so thrilled! He couldn't believe I would be so thoughtful to mail him the chocolate from so far away. The only glitch to my plan was that he had given up chocolate for Lent so I basically tempted him with them. But, he put them away and kept them in a safe place for Easter when he would eat them.

By the time Easter rolled around, he and I were no longer talking. It had gotten really hard for me not get invested, when he was still contemplating the priesthood, so it was a bittersweet time for him. Now, it didn't stop him from eating most of the Kinders though. Once he only had one Kinder left, he realized he couldn't eat it. At first I think he felt that if he ate it, it would seem more real to him him that I was really gone from his life (Of course we all know now I wasn't gone for long). But soon, it became a symbol for making a decision.

He decided to put that last Kinder in the freezer and not eat it until he knew where God was leading him. If he was leading him to marriage, he would eat that Kinder with me. When he finally realized God was leading him toward marriage and we started dating, we talked about whether or not we should eat the Kinder. We felt it was best to wait until we were officially married and living out our Sacrament to share the Kinder together. And so, the Kinder is still in the freezer and we plan on eating it on our wedding night. It will be symbolic of all we have been through to get to that point.

Lets hope it is not freezer burnt! ;)

Anything you can do, I can do better.....

I am really happy I am a girl. Besides the obvious reasons like spending hours talking to friends about anything, shopping for days without breaking a sweat, and reading thousands articles about hair and makeup and never getting bored, I am happy because as a girl, I can multi-task. I am sure someone much smarter than me can explain the process in the brain that allows women to multi-task so well, but all that I care about is that I can do it!

Men, God bless them, are horrible at multi-tasking. Oh sure, they try. But their brain needs to focus on one thing at a time for some reason. This is probably the same male phenomenon that lets them put each emotion in a nice little box in their brain. Anyone who has a husband, boyfriend, fiance....well anyone who knows ANY man at all, knows that their ability to multi-task is pretty non-existent.

Ladies, does this situation sound familiar? You are excited and going on and on about a topic and the man in your life is "ummm hmmm"ing at all the appropriate places all the while glued to the (insert distracting gadget here). It is clear they are not listening at all. But yet they continue to pretend to listen. This is a bone of contention that will live with the male and female species far longer than I will be alive for sure. But, I digress. Really, all of this is just my little tangent to say that I am happy I can multi-task.

If I couldn't, this year would be EVEN more stressful than it already is going to be. I am so lucky that my job has trained me well in the art of multi-tasking. In any given day, I am working on 2 or more things at a time. I am constantly juggling Sacramental prep, other church programs, and odds and ends that crop up that need my attention. I seem to be able to do it with ease. A few years ago, the Diocese asked me to plan a whole youth conference. I managed to execute that very well and for the first time in years the Diocese actually didn't lose money on a conference for youth.

I think God has blessed me and prepared me by allowing me lots of time to practice and hone the skill and art of multi-tasking. With the visa, the many facets of wedding planning (reception, DJ, centerpieces, etc.) and a demanding job, I am very happy that I feel I have the skills necessary to make it all work and not TOTALLY lose my mind.

Oh and FYI, Jim actually isn't that bad at multi-tasking....for a guy that is! ;)

Come on Ride the Train.....

This weekend, I went to Plainfield, IL to not only visit Jim and his family, but to do some important wedding planning. After a bit of trouble at the border where I thought for a moment the border guy would not let me in the country, I made my way by train to Chicago. What I was hoping would be a nice relaxing train ride where I could sleep some of the way, turned out to be a sold out train full of college kids on fall break. I arrived in Chicago late Friday night without the nap I so desperately needed. Jim drove to Chicago from MN after work on Friday and came to get me at the train station and then we made our way to his parents house.

The next morning we began a very long day. We met with a photographer at 9:30 the next morning (when you go to bed at 2 am central time, which is really 3 am my time it was pretty rough to get up!). We had loved this photographers pictures and we excited to meet with her. She did not disappoint. She was very personable (as well as very reasonably priced) and we believe she will be a great fit to help document our wedding. We decided to go ahead and book her! :)

Next we were off to the Rosary Rally. Jim's mom is in charge of it at her parish and every year Jim comes down to help her. We were fortunate to be able to arrange to come down this weekend to help her out. Jim and I led the rosary and the Marian prayers for the rally and Jim even led us in song with is guitar. It was extremely windy, but 30-40 people braved the wind to come out. What a great witness! :)

After that, we were off to look at two hotels to possibly book for our reception. We felt it was really important to have the reception in a hotel because of the large number of out of town guests we will be having. Unfortunately Plainfield does not have much in the way or reception halls so we had to venture out of town a bit. We looked at two hotels about a half an hour away that were literally across the street from each other. While they were both beautiful, we had a clear favorite of the day. We still had one more hotel to look at the next day, so we decided to hold off all judgment (for the most part) until the following day.

After all of the wedding planning, we felt we needed a break and decided we needed to have a date night just for us. We were very close to the Naperville Riverwalk where we had shared our first kiss long ago. We hadn't been back since so we thought it would be fun to go back. We even found the exact bench we sat on for our first kiss. It was really romantic and sweet to be there again, realizing how much had changed since last August.

We were thinking of possibly having our wedding photos done there so I also wanted to scout it out for potential picture opportunities. When we arrived, there were two newly married couples getting their photos done. I tried really hard not to out and out stalk them, but I did see some really cute photo ideas while walking in the general direction of the couples. I made a mental note of the awesome poses.

After the Riverwalk, we headed out for a nice dinner. It was so great just to put the wedding planning on hold and enjoy spending time in person with each other alone. We cherish these times so much. They are simple and many couples enjoy them daily, but for us it is a treat. We had some great Mexican food and we were able to just spend some quality time together.

After spending some time with his family that night, complete with videos of Jim as a baby and their family trip to Detroit/Windsor in the Fall of 1992 ,we got some rest for our next busy day. We had a full schedule for the day again. We woke up early to get to 9 a.m mass. After mass, we headed to our last hotel appointment. While the reception hall was very pretty, we decided that our hearts we still set on the previous days favorite hotel. We decided not to make any rash decisions until we went home to crunch some numbers. But we couldn't do that yet, because we had an appointment with a videographer. He was great! Not only did he give us a Starbucks gift card, but he was all tech savvy and Jim loved him. We had seen his work online and were very pleased with it, so we booked him as well.

After that we were finally able to make it back to his parents house for some good family time. Jim's whole family was there, so we enjoyed a great meal (amazing lasagna!) and a bonfire (complete with S'mores). It was great to spend time together, because with Jim living in Minnesota, this doesn't happen very often when it is not a holiday of some sort.

That night, we did indeed crunch the numbers and decided on a hotel. We are excited! :) We will be finishing up the booking of that this week. It was great to meet with all these wonderful vendors. We asked them about the complications that could arise with our visa process and all of them were very accommodating. We are very thankful for that.

This morning, it was time to head home, but not before Jim's parents made us a great breakfast. It was an amazing weekend. We feel great knowing we now have a venue, photographer and videographer. The only thing that wasn't perfect about this weekend is that we miscalculated how long it would take to get me back to the train station and I was so rushed making my train on time, I didn't get the sweet long goodbye with Jim. The good news is, I did make the train! :) The bad part is the realization that I won't see Jim again in person until Thanksgiving (American Thanksgiving that is...). This will be a long 5 1/2 weeks for sure!

Under Pressure....

My job is one of ebbs and flows. In general the summer is slower, but the school year is sort of crazy. This year will be extra interesting because of a new program our parish is starting that I am heading up called Arise. There is a lot of coordination on my part. Ordinarily this would be fine. This year, when trying to coordinate wedding planning as well, it will get a little crazy.

Sacraments begin soon and I just realized that my craziest time (February) will be the projected time that the next round of Visa paperwork will be happening. It is funny but for me, thinking about the stress is often as stressful if not more so, then when the time actually comes and the real stress happens.

Adding to my stress today, I sent out reminder emails to all of the vendors we decided to meet with this coming weekend in Chicago. Well, the videographer we had lined up wrote me back and informed me that he had another commitment and was hoping we could reschedule for another time. I got extremely annoyed, because if I had not written him, Jim and I would have went all the way out to where he was. I think it is best to pass on this videographer.So the hunt is on for another one.

I have been feeling overwhelmed as of late with all the things that will need to happen before the wedding. Luckily, time spent with Jim (like this past weekend) reminds me of what we are working toward. A marriage. All the crazy wedding planning and visa process is so we can start a life together. I need to keep my mind focused on that! In the end, it will all be worth it!

You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet.....

This weekend Jim is down visiting for our Thanksgiving. He thinks it is funny to call our Thanksgiving "Canadian Thanksgiving" and the American Thanksgiving "REAL Thanksgiving" but I am not really finding it as funny as he is for some reason. He told some of his co-workers he was coming over for "Canadian Thanksgiving" and they said "WOW! That is sooo weird. What do they call Thanksgiving there?" Seriously Americans??? What else would we call it? Happiness Day? Eskimo Awareness Day? Geesh!

Anyway, we are having a great time and packing a lot of things in this one weekend. One of the things we wanted to accomplish was getting our wedding registry done. Now this may seem a little early to do so, but Jim is only down every once in awhile and it was something I wanted to cross off my to-do list (not to be confused with the honey do list which remains unfinished). I wanted to register at some really cool places, but apparently there are only a handful of places in my area that still do registries. So, Sears turned out to be the winner.

For years I had heard stories from prospective brides venturing out to register and telling of the fun stories of the scanner gun. I had been dreaming of one day going and using that gun. I mean how fun! You want something and you just scan the bar code and voila into your registry it goes! Plus, as a woman who loves to shop, this is a match made in heaven!

So, Jim was a sport and came with me. He held my organized list of things we needed to pick up and his task was to check things off as I went. I told him under no circumstances was he to use the scanner. I mean, I am certain that it had not been HIS dream for years to register.

As the nice lady at Sears handed me the scanner, I couldn't wait to begin. Jim kept cracking jokes like "Why am I even here?", "Does my opinion matter at all?" etc. I wanted to tell him that he was simply there to be my assistant but I didn't. In fact, I was EVEN nice enough to let him scan one thing. Alright, maybe I was holding the item in my hands and couldn't get a good vantage point to scan, so I asked him to do so, but I was nice nonetheless.

Soon, I got on a roll! Jim made a joke that he thought the scanner was going to burn out. Soon after, it actually did! (OK, well the battery died, but same difference!) Anyway, the moral of the story is that Jim is slowly getting a glimpse of what all this wedding planning will be like. I can't wait until next weekend when we meet up in Chicago to go meet with vendors! It will be a blast! (right Jim?)

Against All Odds (Part 5...The Finale)

So here it is....the exciting conclusion of our love story. Of course, our love story will continue and, in reality, these 5 parts have only been the beginning. I am excited to experience life with Jim and create many more memories that will add to our love story. (Don't worry though...Jim won't actually write it out anytime soon!)

As I sat there listening to Lisa talk about her marriage enrichment evening, it confirmed in my mind everything I knew about how special she is. Yes, I thought I still had questions, but all the prayers and all my mom's help talking through my discernment with me had really led me close to a decision. And, before I knew it, I found myself saying those fateful words to Lisa, "Let's date!"

Lisa thought I was joking. "Very funny!" she said. I had to tell her three times before she actually took me seriously. You see, she was beginning to think I was never going to come to a decision. It was understandable that she was questioning my sincerity. When she finally realized I was being serious, she immediately went from surprise, to shock, to pure joy. We had already hung up on skype and were instant messaging, so she asked me to call her back and tell her in person.

I dialed immediately and "officially" asked her to be my girlfriend. She was so excited. And anyone who knows Lisa can probably guess her next words, "Can we make this facebook official?" I told her, "Sure." And, once I knew it was on Facebook, I knew there was no going back.

That night we talked about making plans for me to come and see her. It had been 9 months since we had last seen each other. We both were a little nervous about it. Our conversations still flowed so wonderfully, but we couldn't help but wonder if our connection in person would still be there as well.

Throughout Lent, Lisa and I talked a lot about how making a commitment in a relationship was giving someone your whole heart. For a long time, I had wanted to give her my heart in this way, but with all of my questions I was never able to do it. I knew I wanted to symbolically show her somehow that I was now ready to make this commitment. Both Lisa and I love the color blue, so I decided to try to find a ring (her favorite piece of jewelery) that represented both my heart and the color blue.

I eventually found the perfect ring. It was a white gold ring in the shape of a heart with a lovely sapphire in the center. I purchased it just in time to get on a plane to see her again in late May. In the meantime, Lisa had kept telling me about a surprise she had for me. We both had talked about having a sentimental moment together to talk about our new relationship in person, and little did I know that Lisa had the perfect place in mind for this moment to happen.

When I landed at the airport, I saw Lisa waiting for me in the same spot she was waiting for me all those months ago. She looked even better than I remembered. After crossing the border, Lisa showed me her surprise. I found myself sitting with her on the very same swing at the retreat house where she had her spiritual message from God (which I talked about WAY back in part one!). Long ago, she asked God for direction on being open to long distance relationships, and His revelation to her led her to me. And now, as we sat together, it was hard not to feel God's hand in this moment. I knew that this was the perfect place to give her the ring.  As I placed it on her finger, I told her that she now--finally--had my whole heart.  It was a very happy and memorable moment for both of us.

We had an amazing weekend together, and it led to our next big adventure.  We both had decided the night we "officially" started dating that a trip to Niagara Falls would be very romantic, and a great way to see how we would do as a couple planning a trip and being alone together (without family around) for a couple of days.  I planned to spend a week in Canada in June, with two days of that week spent in Niagara Falls.

We had a great time planning the trip....wait, who am I kidding, Lisa planned the whole thing!  But it was an amazing time.  We did so many fun things together, and since I had never been to the Falls before, it was even more special for me.  I couldn't decide which was more beautiful, the Falls....or my amazing girlfriend [Lisa, you are MY "Maid of the Mist"!].

And the trip turned out great.  We never had any arguments or disputes about where to go, or what to do next.  (Well, the fact that Lisa had everything planned out didn't hurt... ;) ).  We got along very well and enjoyed every moment together.  And as we checked out of our hotel (separate rooms, of course!), we knew that this was a big sign that we could successfully spend a lifetime together.

Lisa then came up to visit me in Minnesota.  But first, she spent a couple days in Chicago, where we got to spend another 4th of July together under the fireworks!  And let's not forget the most amazing experience of her life...seeing U2 live in concert!!!  (The "most amazing experience" part is my words, not hers...unfortunately.  ;) ).

Lisa loved Minnesota.  We had a great time there attending a friend's wedding, going out to a nice dinner, and especially seeing the Mall of America!  (Yes, this time those ARE her sentiments!)  She kept saying, "This looks just like Ontario", but in my opinion, it's Ontario that looks like Minnesota. ;)

Lisa also really liked my house and said that she could easily picture herself living there.  This was important because we had previously agreed that these two weeks (one for the Falls trip and one in Minnesota) were going to be "discernment weeks" for us.  We knew that, being a long-distance couple, we needed some extended periods of time together develop our relationship in person.  By spending these two weeks together (much of it alone), we decided that we really could make this relationship work--and work wonderfully!

And so, it was time to really start thinking seriously about our future together.  Ironically, at this exact time, a friend at work had just proposed to his girlfriend and was talking to me about a book  they had read called, "101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged".  I told him I would love to borrow it to discuss it with Lisa.  He happened to have it right there in the office that day and loaned to me on the spot!

This book began the final phase of our discernment together.  We went over the questions in the book and had some long discussions.  And yes, we even had some more arguments.  I knew that I loved Lisa and wanted to be with her, but I still had some lingering doubts about whether I was REALLY making the right decision, and if I could handle everything that could possibly happen in a marriage.  I talked about it with a lot of different people, and they all said that you can NEVER know for sure what will happen.  And of course, Lisa had been telling me this same thing all along.  This reality finally started to sink into my thick head!

And then in August, I got very ill with mono.  Lisa was very concerned and worried about me.  She checked up on me all the time and gave me all her love and support from 800 miles away. (Not to mention researching everything there ever was to know about mono and sharing her "expert" opnions.) She was so concerned about me that she was almost ready to get on a plane and fly to MN to take care of me!  I was so blown away by how much she loved me and wanted to take care of me.  Not that I didn't know it before, but now it was made so clear by how much she sincerely wanted to take away all my pain if she could.

At this point, after all that had happened...I FINALLY knew.  This was the woman God had put in my life to take care of me, to lead me to holiness, and to help show me the meaning of true self-giving.  I was finally ready to "get off the couch"!  As soon as I made this decision, and ever since then, I have felt nothing but peace and joy about having Lisa in my life.  I knew then what I had to do.  I went into a jewelery store [and yes, this was at the last minute] and asked them, "Is there any possible way you can have a ring ready for me by Labor Day?"....

Jim thinks this is another one his "amazing" cliffhangers, but he forgets that you already know the engagement story. I wrote all about it in the "My Canadian Girl" post. So there you have it: our love story. It is not conventional, but it is ours and we love it. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Now, maybe I can get back to writing my own blog ;)

Against All Odds (Part 4)

Ok, remember when I told you Jim assured me Part 4 would be the end? Well, if you know Jim at all, you will not be surprised to hear that its not the end at all. In fact, he keeps telling me he feels like he is leaving things out. I told him that the only way possible to have left anything out was if he were to write out our conversations verbatim.

As you recall (because of course you are riveted), Part 3 ended with Jim and I parting ways. Here is what happened next. Take it away Jim:

New Year's Eve, 2010.

I had not talked to Lisa for 2 weeks.  I missed her terribly.  The joys of Christmas had helped me a little, but now that it was over, I looked ahead to the upcoming year.  What would happen?  What should I do?  I was anxious and a little depressed.  It all seemed so overwhelming.

Little did I know that Lisa was spending this evening thinking along very similar lines.  She missed me terribly as well.  She desperately wanted to know what I was thinking.  And yet, she made a resolution for the new year to try and move on.  It was just too hard for her to keep wondering and waiting.

So, as the winter went on, we both went our separate ways.  I continued to pray, go to daily Masses, and read my discernment books.  Lisa said many novenas during this period, for both herself and me.  Even though she was upset and emotionally wrung out, she still wished the best for me.  She prayed that God's will would be done, no matter what it was, in both our lives.  This is yet another reason why I love this woman so much.  She has such an amazing heart and is so generous to everyone!!

As we came to February, we reached the anniversary of when I first wrote to Lisa.  It seemed like yesterday in one way.  And yet in another way, because Lisa had changed my life so much, it seemed like a lifetime ago (much like it must seem to any of you who have been reading since Part 1 ;) ).  I had to go back on to Catholic Match (CM) to read what she was posting.  It was the only connection I had left with her.  Every once in a while, I would see some comment about discernment or about needing to “move forward” in life.  I thought to myself, “Is she saying that for my benefit?”  But then I thought, “No, I can't be so arrogant as to think that all these posts are about me.” 

Well, I later came to find out...they were about me.  ;)  Lisa knew that I was online (CM lets you see this if you mark people a “Favorite”), and she was feeling the same as me—this was the only connection she had left with me.  So during our time apart, we both at least could know the other was OK, and we still got some comfort from having some small remnant of our former connection with each other.

The point of all this is that even during our time apart, since we could see what the other person was doing (even though I never posted anything like she did), it was easy to keep each other in our thoughts.  And this ended up becoming part of both of our discernment processes.

Now don't get me wrong—Lisa did try to move on.  She had a few brief communications with other guys.  She rewrote her online profile to spruce it up a bit.  But her thoughts still continued to land back on our relationship and all it could be.

This finally brought us to another important moment.  A mutual friend of ours became ill.  It was weighing heavily on Lisa's mind.  She thought for a few days, then decided that she had to write me about it to let me know, so I could be praying for our friend.  It had now been 10 weeks since we had last spoken.

Through all this time, I had still been praying, but I still wasn't ready for a decision.  Despite my great experience at the retreat, I just didn't feel ready to move forward any closer to the seminary.  Part of the reason was being intimidated by the whole process.  But another big part was that I just couldn't stop thinking of Lisa and missing her terribly.  I sincerely just wasn't sure, and wasn't ready to walk away from her completely.

And so, it was at this point that I got Lisa's e-mail.  I was very surprised by it, but my heart skipped a beat when I saw her name in my inbox.  I was sad to hear about our friend's illness, and I started praying for this friend right away.  But I also couldn't help but respond.  I also had a friend that had a similar illness at the time.  It was too much of a coincidence not to write back and tell her about it.

So we traded a couple of e-mails, promised to keep praying, and then stopped writing for a few days.  At that exact time, we both still thought this would be the end of communications for a while, if not forever.

But then, Lisa was at church the following weekend.  It was a day we both remember very well, because it fell on the first Saturday of Lent.  After Communion, Lisa was praying and felt a strong impulse to contact me.  She was sure it was a message from God.  She thought about it all the way home, and decided she just had to act on this message and call me that very night.

If I thought I was shocked to get her e-mail, I was definitely shocked to see her name on my Caller ID!  As I picked up the phone, I was a little nervous.  Why did she want to talk to me?  Was she going to yell at me for still not making a decision?  ;)

But then she told me about her inspiration to call.  It was the first time we had talked in months, so of course we had a lot of catching up to do.  We talked for hours and hours, just like we did at the beginning.  It was like we had never stopped talking.  We were both amazed by how well our connection had held up after all this time.

After re-establishing our connection, we both felt like it was just too hard to go back to not talking again.  We decided to keep talking with no particular expectations.  Lisa knew I was still discerning, and she was doing her best to “guard her heart.”  But she began walking my path of discernment with me again.

I knew that I would never get another chance like this to have her in my life while I was figuring things out.  So I returned to a habit of serious prayer.  Throughout the 40 days of Lent, I prayed, went to church, and meditated.  We also both prayed together every night over Skype (which we had been doing for a while before we stopped talking as well).

Over the 40 days, I started to realize what a gift Lisa was to me.  I mean, I already knew that, of course.  But I started to feel it in the depths of my heart.  Then, I started to meditate on how far I had come over the course of the last year.  Back in early 2010, I would have never dreamed I would've finally talked to priests and gone on the retreat.  I probably never would've signed up for regular Adoration at church (which I had done the previous fall).  And I surely never would have been praying this hard.

Over the course of all our many talks about my path in life, Lisa had come up with an analogy that both of us will never forget.  I talked about how easy it was to just stay in my comfort zone and be cozy on my couch in the living room.  But to move forward in life, no matter which path I chose, I couldn't stay in that comfort zone.  So Lisa started saying that I needed to “get off the couch”.

Without even realizing it to some degree, I had already started moving off that couch with all those things I just mentioned.  And I realized that I owed all of this to Lisa.  We had both talked so many times about what marriage really is, and one of the main purposes of marriage was to grow in holiness.  And I was making advancements in holiness...all because of Lisa!

So, as we continued to talk, I started to see if I could “make peace” with the idea of not being a priest, as I had thought I would for so long in the past.  Through it all, Lisa never once pressured me to choose one way or the other.  She patiently stood by my side, listened to my feelings and thoughts, and shared her own.  I would even ask her, “What do YOU think I should do?” and she would say, “I can't tell you that...only God can.” 

As Lent ended, Lisa was inspired to host a marriage enrichment night for her parishes, because of all the talking we had done.  As she described her ideas of the night, I just came to realize all the more how wonderful this woman was.  She was such an inspiration to me, wanting to enrich her parish like this.  And, she felt exactly the same way about marriage as I did.

When the marriage night came, it turned out to be a great success.  Everyone loved it.  Lisa came home and excitedly told me all about what happened, and the incredible witness of the couples who came.  At that moment, I was overwhelmed with how proud I was of her, and how wonderful she was.  I just had to do it.  I told her the words she had been waiting to hear for months........

What could he have possibly said? Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion (yes Jim it BETTER be the conclusion) in Part 5 coming soon!!

Against all Odds (Part 3)

If you recall, in our last installment Jim left you wondering if we would meet on the Fourth of July. I think you all know the answer (don't tell him, he thinks his cliffhangers are riveting) but I will let him continue with the story.

Yes, you guessed it...we decided to meet each other again.  And that's not all—we decided to “officially” start dating for the first time!

It may seem like an odd decision to decide to date when I still wasn't even sure if marriage was what I was meant to do.  But we thought it would be a good way for us to see how it felt to be a couple.  And maybe this would be a valuable discernment tool for both of us.  So we decided to jump in with both feet and go for it!

And with that, we spent the 4^th of July as a dating couple, watching fireworks in a spot RIGHT next to the action!  We held hands as they exploded around us...and fireworks have been special to us ever since.

I was nervous as Lisa met my family—way more nervous than when I met hers!  I just wanted her to feel comfortable and not overwhelmed with all these people she had never met.  But everything worked out great when she met them, and I got to meet all of her friends.  All in all, it was another amazing long weekend together.

We continued to be “official” as my birthday came up at the end of July.  Seeing as it was my 40^th birthday, my family was nice enough to throw a big party.  Lisa really wanted to be there to celebrate my big day.  So, we arranged to meet for the third time.  And yes...it was another amazing weekend!  I will always remember that birthday as one of my best ever—all because of having Lisa in my life.

That weekend will also be special for us because we planned an amazing “date night” where we went to a cozy Italian restaurant and saw an INCREDIBLE movie!  (OK, it was only incredible for me—you will have to ask Lisa what the movie was and what she thought about it.  All I will say—yet again—is that the Academy agreed with me and not Lisa about this film! ;) )

But the best part of the “date night” was sitting in front of a scenic river and sharing something special—our first kiss!  Yes, it took me this long to get up the courage to go in for that kiss.  And yes, it was all me—Lisa was ready for it long before this moment.  ;)

By this point, we had been “official” for 6 weeks.  And now we were at a crossroads.  Our bond was deeper than ever before, and now we had all these romantic moments together that showed us how great it felt to be in a relationship with each other.  And yet...I still felt like I had questions.  Were the feelings I felt the real thing, or was I just getting swept up in the thrill of these moments?

So, with much regret, we knew it was time to take a break.  We stopped dating and went back to being “just friends” (albeit friends that have kissed ;) ).  I had a lot of anxiety about taking concrete steps to figuring out if I was meant to be a priest.  But at this point, I had to move forward.  We were in too deep for me to not start taking this very seriously.

So, with a lot of prayer and encouragement from Lisa (and, yes, some frustration and fighting along the way as well), I finally made appointments to talk to people to really get the discernment process started.  I talked with a deacon, my pastor, and finally the Vocations Director for my Archdiocese.  In my arrogance, I had kind of expected them to tell me, “Sure, you are a GREAT candidate for the seminary!  Just say the word and you're in!”. 

But they had a totally different response:  Prayer, prayer, and more prayer!

So I started to pray in earnest.  I prayed harder than I ever have before.  I started going to daily Mass.  And through it all, Lisa supported me and was there for me.  Yes...it was very hard and at times frustrating for her.  But she was there for me, and I will always be so grateful to her for that (and love her for that too)!

And throughout the fall, we went through cycles of talking and then taking breaks.  We tried to keep things on a “just friends” level, but deep down our feelings were still very strong.  We “broke down” at times and told each other how much we still cared for each other.  We talked about how it would feel to be together for good, and one day get married.  There were a couple more arguments and more tears.  And through it all, I STILL hesitated.  I was waiting for that “lightning bolt” moment to tell me what to do...

This led us to December.  Every December, the Archbishop holds a retreat for men discerning the priesthood.  I used to see the poster for it every year, but I always thought, “I'll do that someday...but not right now.”  Well, I took a look at the poster now that it was December again, and I noticed that the retreat was open for men 18 to....40!  This was the last possible year I could attend!

So, I made the decision to sign up for the retreat.  As it happened, Lisa decided to get in contact with me again at this point to see where I was in my discernment.  I told her about the retreat.  She was both excited and nervous.  She was glad I was taking more steps to come to a decision.  But what if I came back and announced I was entering the seminary?  We both were a little anxious about what was going to happen.  Since this was such an important step, we decided to keep talking in the days leading up to the retreat.

The retreat was an amazing experience.  It was my first “real” retreat (staying for the whole weekend, not just for half a day at church, etc.).  It definitely ranked up there as one of the most powerful spiritual experiences of my life.  To this day, I'm very glad I went.

The priest at the retreat had told us, “Don't expect to come away from this weekend with an answer.  This is just one more step in a discernment process.”  So I came home from the retreat with that advice in mind.  I had had a very moving spiritual experience, and it gave me a lot to think about.  But I was not ready to decide one way or the other just yet.

I talked to Lisa the night I got home.  I was very excited about how great the retreat was, and how I finally had gone after all these years of seeing the poster.  Lisa was wondering what I was going to tell her—she had been thinking all weekend about the possible things I might tell her, and how she would react.

In my excitement, I told her all the things we did at the retreat.  Lisa waited patiently through the whole story, anxiously wanting to know what I felt now that it was over.  So as I wrapped up, I told her...I still wasn't sure.

This was very hard for Lisa to hear.  After all her wondering and waiting, I told her I was still in the same exact spot...still not sure.  It was just a little too hard for her to hear.  Emotions began to run high again.

As a result, we reached another crossroads.  Lisa knew in her heart that if she stayed in the picture, I may never come to a final decision.  I wanted to continue discerning based on my retreat experience.  This led to the biggest struggle of our relationship thus far.  After a long talk, Lisa decided that she had to step away.  It was a very painful conversation for both of us.

And as we ended the conversation, both of us honestly felt there was a good chance we would never speak again......

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion to our story soon (Jim assures me it will only be 4 parts...I have to see this to believe it!)

Against All Odds (Part 2)

**Disclaimer - Jim loves to write. And he loves to write in detail. So, this is not the end. I have a feeling this will be a 4 part series........

So when I got the email I thought it was cute but not nearly as witty and charming as Jim thought it was. I didn't know if I should write back or not. My friend Claudia from CM offered to read his profile for me. She read it and encouraged me to write him. I thought, "What the heck? I'll send something real quick. It's only a reply. He probably won't write back anyway..."

I was amazed that Lisa wrote me  back as fast as she did.  Her response was short but very sweet and nice.  It was almost surreal that this woman, whose posts I had been reading and I felt like I kind of knew, was actually writing to me!  It was like I was talking with a celebrity!

Because her note was so short, I wasn't quite sure if she was politely brushing me off or interested in talking more.  So I had yet another brilliant idea.  I told her the story of the one and only time I had ever been to Canada (which happened to be a visit to Windsor, Ontario, near her hometown).  I told the story in my trademark silly way, and just ended my e-mail with no other comments or questions.  If she still wrote back, I knew that she was interested....

As, you probably guessed...she did write back.  ;)  This began a week's worth of e-mails back and forth.  By the end of the week, we had already talked longer and more in depth than I had ever expected!  I assumed that we would keep on sending e-mails for the next several weeks.

So imagine my surprise at the end of that same week, when Lisa invited me to an online chat session!  I remember thinking, “She wants to chat ALREADY?”  I was surprised but also very excited that she wanted to take things to the “next level” so fast, and that she was initiating it!

Our first chat went very well.  We typed to each other for hours!  I told her all of my dumb stories that I tell people when I first meet them.  And she didn't close the chat on me, so I assumed she liked them at least a little.  ;)

We had so much fun that first chat, that we decided to keep on chatting in between the e-mails.  And as we got to know each other better, we started chatting more often...until it was just about every day!  We  were having a great time getting to know each other.  Some nights (on the weekends) we were up until 3-4 AM talking!

We had a lot of fun, but even more than that, we started developing a strong connection.  Remember in Part 1 when I said that I agreed with just about everything she posted on Catholic Match (CM)?  Well, when we got to chatting, I discovered that as I asked her questions, and she asked me questions back, we would almost ALWAYS end the discussion with “I totally agree with you.”  It was amazing!  To have so much in common with someone, AND to be able to enjoy myself so much, was very exhilarating.  I found myself looking forward to 7-8 PM every night when we would talk.

Pretty soon, we got to the point where I knew we had to move to yet another level and talk on the phone.  I got up the nerve over the course of a few chats to ask for her number (although she made it easier by strongly hinting that she would enjoy talking on the phone also ;) ).  I knew there were ways to talk over the Internet, but I insisted on calling her on the phone because I thought it would be more “gentlemanly” to talk that way.

So, we set up a date to talk.  I had to summon up yet more courage, but once I dialed the number, we had a great conversation.  Yes, we were both a little nervous at first, but we were both surprised at how easy the conversation flowed.  By the end, we had talked for four hours!!  And the time just flew by. 

Lisa kept asking me, “Isn't this costing you a fortune?”  I kept saying, “Naaah, you dial Canada the same way you dial the US, so it must be about the same cost!”  Little did I realize that by the end of the call (and I'm not exaggerating here), it would have been cheaper for me to get on a plane, fly to her house, and talk to her in person!  Ooops....

So, from that time on, we used Skype to talk to each other online...for free!  We kept talking for hours and never seemed to run out of things to discuss.  We started to get to know each other pretty well.  We  even started joking about getting married within the first couple weeks of talking!  It was the first sign that we were not just having fun, but falling in love....

But as we got closer emotionally, I still struggled with the idea of priesthood.  What was God calling me to?  I felt a deep connection with Lisa, but was still unsure of what it meant.  As I struggled with this, we starting talking about meeting each other in person, just to see if we still had that connection in person.  If not, then maybe that would make our decision for us about whether or not to move any closer towards a relationship.

And so, after lots of prayer and discussion, we set a date to meet.  I got on a plane and flew to the Detroit airport.  I went down the escalator into the baggage claim area...and suddenly I was face-to-face with Lisa for the first time!  I was amazed at how pretty she looked in person, as opposed to the blurry picture you get on Skype! 

We had an amazing 3-day weekend together.  She took me all around her hometown and showed me where she grew up, her schools, etc.  I got to go with her to Mass at the churches where she works and see her “in action”!  And, of course, I got to meet her wonderful family, who were all so generous to me (I had a couple of yummy home-cooked meals!).  And we still spent long hours talking...but this time, we got to do it in person!  It was very hard to say goodbye each night when she dropped me off at my hotel!

I came back from the trip more conflicted than ever.  I had SUCH a great time with Lisa, but I still wasn't sure if this is what God wanted for me.  Lisa and I had a lot of heart-to-heart talks during this time.  There were even a few arguments along the way.  But we both couldn't deny what we were feeling, and in the midst of our emotional discussions about where this whole thing was going, we finally had to say what we both were feeling.  We said “I love you” for the first time!  We were both so happy to finally have said it, but it also made things all the more difficult because even with all that I felt for Lisa, I just wasn't sure.

However, there was one tiny detail that complicated matters.  You see, before we even started talking, she had planned to come to Chicago to visit some of the friends she had met on CM over the July 4^th weekend.  I was going to be in town anyway for the holiday, and it seemed silly to be right in the same town and not see each other.  So, we had to decide what to do.  Should we take time off for me to think, or should we just go ahead and see each other for a second time?  We talked and talked about it, but in the end, we knew what we had to do....

Stay tuned for Part 3 soon.......... (here's praying this is not a 17 part series!)